I often get calls from people, who have gone back into their world after doing our program, and then get hijacked by other peoples ‘opinions,’ about what you should really be thinking or doing – which is what they think! This can come from friend’s family and even your medical professionals.
This can then recreate that doubt that you might have been plagued with before coming to us.
Your job is to cultivate the unshakeable undeniable belief in yourself – you CAN do this! Your body was designed to do this! You are still doing it, even if you need help! Anchoring yourself and your mindset in that belief creates confidence.
You cannot be confident if you allow other people free access to your mind and thoughts. Protect your mind and only give tickets for entry to those qualified, thoughtful and with relevant experience.
Putting the advice of family and friends in perspective is easier, because you know they have limited experience and they really only know what was right for them, and this may or may not be relevant for you, because every journey is different.
When it comes to health professionals it is a lot harder.
Now why is a confident mindset so important, and is this confident mindset not realistic when health professionals have a lot more knowledge and experience of what’s involved when helping us birth?
Here’s a surprising, but total truth. Different health professionals have different opinions. I was totally shocked by this realisation when was having my first son. I had one doctor giving me information about my pregnancy and what I should do, and another doctor from a different hospital giving me information that was in total opposition.
We think there is only one way, one truth about a situation, and only one approach, when in fact there are many – most of the time 😊
This is also true with midwives. They will all have their take on your situation, according to their training, experience, confidence, and knowledge. This is actually true for most professionals in all disciplines.
So where does this knowledge leave you? Your job, as I have already stated, is to create a confident mindset. Here’s why: Creating a confident mindset creates the fertile ground for good decision making, without being motivated by fear.
Decisions motivated by fear, typically lead to one choice. One way.
Decisions motivated by discernment, and clear thinking – open us up to many choices – and the ability to find the best way.
Your job is to make decisions based on your unique set of circumstances and what is right for you. Now that’s not always easy.
It can be easy to get lost in the ‘evidence.’
Let’s be clear, the evidence is based on research, about other women and babies, usually in different countries, and are being assessed on clear criteria that is measurable and reportable. There could have been other things going on for those women, that also contributed to their outcomes, that gets lost in the translation.
Science which collects the evidence, help us to see trends, and measure risks. This is absolutely useful, as long as the research team are free of agendas. High quality evidence should help to mould our policies and approach to birth, to get the best outcomes for mothers and babies. It’s great stuff!
But when it comes to you – how do you make the best decision?
Ask for the evidence and look for holes. Don’t just look at one side of the equation.
Now ask, what exactly do you know, what’s going on for me and my baby?
- What are the signs that my baby is not doing so well?
- What are the risks? What are the benefits?
- What other options do we have in this situation?
- What might happen if we didn’t do the procedure? Or waited?
- These are the questions I gave you all on the back of my business card.
- Now that’s addressing the rational, and logical way to make decisions – which I personally think is important, but I can’t finish this talk, without addressing another way of making decisions.
Go with your instincts.
I know that is easier said than done, but just think of a time when you just knew when you knew! It is a feeling, it is usually instant, and sometimes defies logic.
When you have a confident mindset, you can usually tap into your gut instincts better. These gut instincts are really useful, and even your doctor or midwife will understand this. The wise ones learn very quickly to listen to women when they know something is wrong.
So dear ones, do the practices as they will continue to support you to cultivate your confidence, and make better decisions.
You’ve got everything you need within you – your job now is to believe it! 😊
Loving you all,
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